And wisely on Mikael’s part, Nancy won. Not that Nancy didn’t win fair and square of course.
This is what I learn by just being around this beautiful mama. Just be. Enjoy it. Laugh at it. And when you can’t make them stop, join them.
Tani is one of those mother’s who is a mother with a capital M. She’s a Mother. I won’t try to paint her as perfect. I can vividly see her laughing at me now if I did. But that’s just the thing. Laughing. She would just laugh.
That’s what I take away from time I spend with her. Laugh when it’s appropriate. And laugh when it’s not too. Since if nothing else, parenting young children is pretty darn funny.
Nothing brings me to tears faster than considering motherhood.
In all it’s vast peaks and valleys, daily I am humbled by it’s uncanny ability to make me both whole and broken. As if my heart cracked the moment they were born, overwhelmed by the intensity of love it now carried.
Yes, this all sounds very dramatic.
Yet it’s true and I hear this sentiment shared in a variety of ways from other mothers. The wholeness comes in the form of hugs, love, joy, I love you’s, goodnight mommy’s, and evenings you realize the kids were great all day! The brokenness comes from bowls of cereal thrown to the floor, diaper blowouts on your way to church, long nights and early mornings, screaming children in line at Target, when they stop napping or better yet, when they learn to crawl out of the crib.
Mostly though brokenness comes from knowing that one day they’ll move on. And it’s then I realize the only thing I need to do is LIVE IN THE MOMENT.
It’s only taken four years but finally we are putting “The First Year” into a custom designed 100 page album. The album represents the first series of sessions we did from birth to his first birthday. We have 3 more years of sessions to go! And since he’s expecting his first sibling in just a few weeks I’m sure we’ll have many more.
Here are a few pages.
I’m feeling empty today. An ache sits in my stomach. As if I just took my cake out of the oven and I’m holding my breath waiting to see if it’s center collapses.
What I’m creating isn’t good enough.
I’ve sat idle here for a little while.
Idle doing good things though so no regrets. I’ve napped with my children. Had “beautiful day” outings where we seek out beautiful things. Lots of slow long walks.
But my camera has been staring at me.
And that makes me feel a little empty.
Camera, you’ll come out to play soon. Today in fact. And let’s put some other dates on the calendar. Some play dates.
Just me and you kid.
We’ll invite Reese and Owen too because they love you as much as I do.
I want to run through a river with you dangling on my hip. Chase little feet through a wide open field. Knowing full well you’ll do it justice. We’ll capture every shiny moment.
Together, you and I.